Access Granted... I'm off to see Jobe...

I just got a snes Emulator. I guess that's what it's called. It came with like a million and a half roms. Listen to me! I have no idea what I'm saying.

I got this little thing which enables me to play snes games on my pc. The snes games came with it. There's a hell of alot of them. like, a few hundred at least. I got really excited because I used to have a snes, and a few hundred games too. So I figured I'd try and get hold of a few of my favourites. The one that stands out the most in my memory is Lawnmower Man, because we spent hours and hours trying to complete the damn thing with no luck. The big orange head at the end (which we called Jobe. I know there is a Jobe in Lawnmower Man. I guess he must be him) always defeated us.

But what magical game came with me little thingy? Lawnmower Man. I was just playing it. It's by far the most random game ever. I'd get onto a new little level bit and be like;
'I totaly remember this bit.'
And then the car would run me over and I'd be like;
'Yeah, I totally forgot that happened.'

I will now try and get pilot wings, by far the stupidest game ever invented, by my gosh do I want to play it again. I was playing Zelda earlier, Monopoly, Maria, all sorts.

It came with;
Donkey Kong country 1, 2 and 3
Final Fantasy 1 and 2
Lawnmower Man
Metal Combat
Mortal Kombat
NBA Jam
Pac Man 2
Rock n Roll Racing
Sim City
Space Invaders
Spider Man
Super Baseball
Super Bomberman 1 and 2
Super Mario allstars
Super Mario Kart
Tetris and Dr. Mario
Street Fighter
Zelda
Top Gear
WWF Raw

And many many more. All of which I either had on snes or got on N64 in the case of WWF. That'll be my next game I think. WWF. I love wrestling.

So anyway, I just thought I'd inform my army of fans of this new little gamey thing I have. I still want to get myself a snes at some point and own the games seperately, but things like that cost money and take time, and I'm neither rich or patient.

Also, loads of people have gone of to Barcelona for an art trip. Not me, though. I'm having too many holidays this year and I'm poor. But I hope everyone has a good time out there, and I do hope the annoying singing year 12's don't piss you off too much. Have Fun! xxx

I Did It For The Money

Well I'm on UCAS. Rachel wrote me a personal statement along the lines of;
'My name is Donna and I am great. I think the world of myself and would like to go to university so that other people can worship me. I think I'm very pretty and would like to study my reflection. Skippidy hop. Skippidy hop hop hop! Who's a pretty boy!!'

Oh, Rachel. You are wonderfully funny. Also, on my aplication I was from being Rev. Donna Guyer, convictions of child molestation, to Her Royal Highness, Donna Guyer, convictions of buggery to corgies. Oh, the queen would be none too amused.

Which reminds me, at the end of this post will be a list of family fortunes quotes. The funny ones. Stupid things people say when they're under pressure. I heard Alan Davies talking about them on QI and thought, oh my fucking fuck, I must find this website and post post post. So I'll put them here, and put a link in my link list, because there's a few links at the bottom of the page to like, 'the weakest link' quotes and things. Brilliant. I'll also put a link to Ed, Edd and Eddy quotes, because they make jump, hop, skip, loose my brains and fall down laughing all over the kitchen floor. Ed.... What a legend.

I've been hating lots of people in school today. Everyone has been pissing me off, probably because I have a headache. And by everyone, I actually mean like one person who came and sat with us, and spoke. For fuck sake, spoke! I hate people that speak when I'm trying to think. Interrupting my thoughts. They could be very important. And if I lose track, they're gone for good. Stupid... girl.

Not Kirsty.

I've been listening to Elvis Costello whilst writing this entry. It's ending now, and then Bright Eyes will come on. This shall put me in a good mood.

I'd like to add, on my essays for psycholopology, I got 17/24 and 19/24. Very high marks. I beat Robyn! I'm so chuffed. Very pleased with myself. Sally was too, phew. After her rant about our terrible Results section marks (4/8, not the worst). So I'm pleased. I did well.

Here goes with the Family Fortunes quotes.
They're pretty funny. It's very long, though. So good luck getting through them.

A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."
A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."
An animal with horns: "A bee..."
A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."
Something made of wool: "A sheep.."
Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."
Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."
An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."
Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."
Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."
A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."
A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."
A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.." (Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")
Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."
Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."
A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."
A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."
A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."
Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."
A famous Dick: "Carrot.."
A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."
Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."
A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."
A yellow fruit: "Orange.."
An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."
Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."
A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."
Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."
Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."
A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."
Something you beat: "An apple.."
Something associated with rain: "Water.."
An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."
Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."
A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."
A popular TV soap: "Dove.."
Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."
Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."
Something a Frenchman would say Answer: "On Garde.."
A fast animal: "A hippo.."
Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."
Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."
A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."
Something that has a shell: "Batman.."
Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."
Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."
Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."
A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."
A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."
An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."
A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."
An animal with big ears: "A bear.."
Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."
A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."
Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."
A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."
Something you pull: "A potato.."
An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."
A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."
A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."
A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."
Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."
A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."
Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."
Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."
Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."
A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."
A type of record: "A floppy disk.."
A type of large cat: "Persian.."
A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."
Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."
An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."
A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."
Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."
A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."
A game played in the dark: "Charades.."
Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."
A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."
A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."
Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."
A famous royal: "Mail.."
Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."
An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."
An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."
Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."
A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."
One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."
A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."
The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."
Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."
A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."
A type of cut: "Skull.."
A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."
Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."
A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."
An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."
Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."
A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."
A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."
An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."
Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."
Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."
A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."
A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."
A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."
Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."
Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."
Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."
A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."
Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."
A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."
A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."
A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."
Something red: "My cardigan.."
A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."
Something with a hole in it: "A window.."
Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."
Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."
A domestic animal: "A leopard.."
Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."
Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."
Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."
The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."
Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

P.s. I would have colour coded them for ease of reading, but I couldn't be bother. Enjoy, though.

That Better Be Sweat Dripping Down Your Leg, Boy

Wowo. What a fucking random day. I worte some of my 'The Dangers Of' stories last night, I'm going to put one here for whoever may read this to read.

The Dangers of Drink

On a night out with his friends, Billy got a little bit too drunk. He could barely walk, so his friends thought it would be a good idea to strip him naked, and tie him to a lamppost. Upon waking with the most terrible hangover, Billy found a policeman staring at him. The policeman cut him free from the ropes that bonded his feet and arms to the lamppost, and sat him in the backseat of the police car.
Billy was jailed for five years after a court heard he’d indecently exposed himself to young children, as the lamppost was situated opposite a girls catholic primary school.

There's one. I maye put another at the end of this entry.

So this weekend I went to see a mates band playing in Brighton. It wasa most random affair, and I didn't get home until late, so I spent most of Monday in a stupor. But it was worth it, as I saw Corpse Bride *Sorry Tim Burton and Johnny Depp for pirating the movie, etc, but I will see it in the cinemas and buy it as it was excellente* But my God, what a wicked movie. I advise anyone who enjoys Tim Burton, or enjoyed Nightmare Before Christmas to deffinitely see this movie. It's got some funny bits in it, but it's just a really great little flick.

Tom's been down today and other days recently. He won't tell me why, so here I am, in my blog, infront of my army of fans (invisible as you are), I offer Tom a happy cookie.

And today I got some shoes. They are quite random.
http://adbusters.org/metas/corpo/blackspotsneaker/
They're very cool, and they're vegetarian ones, which is kinda cool. Nan owed me after the catering thing, so I got shoes, like I did last time, but I'm actually goint to wear this pair.

The Dangers of Eating Too Much Squid

Billy was excited to hear that there was to be an all-you-can-eat buffet feast at his favourite sea-food restaurant. Billy reserved a table, right next to the large squid platter. He helped himself all night long, for not a penny more than £3.99. Billy was pleased with his progress, as he demolished, not one, not two, but seven platters of squid. By the end of the evening he was so full, the waiters had to roll him home.
Nine months later, Billy hadn’t got rid of the weight he’d put on in that one selfish night he’d spent at McCool’s fish restaurant. Then, he was rushed to hospital by his parents, after he began leaking a strange liquid, and complaining of stomach cramps.
‘We’ll have to open him up and take a closer look.’ The doctor told them. So Billy was rushed into surgery.
As the knife cut in, what was to pop out of his enormous belly? None other than a squid. On sight of it’s mother, Billy, the squid quit it’s little squid crying, and began to suckle at his teat.

Rachel and I both find this one rather disgusting. By the end. The teat thing.

So now I'm not feeling so good. I've got a cold, I think, I dunno. I feel like utter wank, and I can't make myself concentrate for five seconds anymore. I think I'm turning into a fish, sorry to anyone I may insult with my very VERY short attention span over the next few weeks/months/years. It's not my fault. I blame the pills.

Which reminds me of my world famous quote from yesterday;
'I don't take drugs, I only take things made entirely from flowers.'
Fuck me!

Goodbye. xxx

Out of Egypt, Into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and I Shake the Dirt From My Sandals As I Run

Dude it's Tuesday (Sunday)!

Well one day this week, or last week, I bought a new TV. I'm pretty sure it was this week, but I won't be able to divulge any date to which the TV was purchased. Apologies comrades.

Anyway, it's an LCD screen yadda yadda yadda. But, what the main point is, it's twenty-fecking-two inches of pure God-like craftsmanship... etc.

I know, 22" isn't actually all that big, but, it's still a beautiful creation, if ever I did see one... Yeah.

I would like to add, that upon finding my gorgeous yellow TV leaking some green substance, I actually had to buy a new one. So it wasn't a purchase who's main rationale is to entertain me. Oh no, I needed it for... Well, for to replace the hole in my heart that getting rid of the yellow one has left me with.

Whatever Minger.

And susequently, I had to bring my fishies upstairs today. Edward and Edward (Ed and Edd (Big Ed and Double D)), who are now happily swimming around in the former space of my television, as my LCD creation is to be mounted on the wall.

I've been considering starting to write my psychology essay today. I'm not going to start it. Bone Idle. It's not due in until Friday, and I should really do something to do with art, as I'm falling behind (again), but screw it, I can't be bothered. My hands are wrinkled and smell like fish. And not in a good way. Tha tank was starting to get brown round the edges. Not a good sign.

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens (Thus the title of this entry), and I can't quite decide what I think. I mean, they're good in the way that they remind me of Bright Eyes, and Bright Eyes are good in the way that they write good lyrics and Conor's voice is exceptional. But at the same time, they sort of bore me, like Antony and the Johnsons do. But, the titles of each track are immense. And they are attempting on making an album for each one of America's 50 States. They'll probably fail. I'm listening to the second album, Illinoise, obviously named after the State of Illinois.

I just turned my calendar over. What a gorgeously empty month I have ahead, after the business of September and the business that is going to be November. I should ask Robyn about the date of this two day party dealy she's having. I'm not going to get drunk. It's pointless. Well, I'd like to be able to WALK to the bathroom if I need to throw up from excess alcohol consumption, rather than roll onto the floor and drag myself there because of a sheer inability to stand (BEING LEGLESS, Biatch)

So I think that is pretty much all I have to say on the matter...

Goodbye and God bless.

Oh, and I love each and every one of you...

Obviously, though, that was an Over exaggeration, as I probably don't.

But, then again, maybe I'm just lying.

So would I be lying about loving each and every one of you, then?

Let's just say, you probably deserve to die before I do, 'cos I am great.

Bye xxx